There’s some debate about a quote that is particularly meaningful. Was it spoken by Plato or Socrates? Could it have originated with Philo? Or did Ian MacLaren first articulate it in the 1897 Christmas edition of The British Weekly? Regardless, my favorite version of this quote does not come from any of these individuals but rather from Robin Williams:
“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.”
This quote is worth sharing. Somebody can even post it on their cubicle wall at work or place it under a magnet on their refrigerator. It’s that meaningful.
This quote is a good reminder to be gracious toward all people. I should not judge others, especially people I don’t know very well. However, I have also been judged by others. I’ll share one of those times with you. I assume you have a relatable personal experience as well.
It was January 2006. I was driving my 21-year-old son, Aaron, to the nursing home where he was living at the time. Aaron has a very hard-to-treat case of schizophrenia. The nursing home was a safe place for him to stay while my husband and I were at work. Because Aaron became agitated, I pulled over to the shoulder of the highway to try to calm him down. Unfortunately, he got out of the car and stepped into traffic, where he was hit by a car. As a result, he had many broken bones, one being his femur bone. During his surgery to repair his broken femur, the fat globules from his bone entered his bloodstream. They lodged in the small blood vessels of his brain, causing many strokes. As a result, he had severe brain damage. He went into a coma and was fighting for his life.
This ordeal was very traumatic for my family and me. We had three other children at home, including a 1-year-old. My husband and I alternated spending evenings at the hospital with Aaron. The other evenings were spent at home with our other children. We strongly felt that it was essential to live as normally as possible for the sake of our family. Therefore, my husband and I resumed our full-time work schedules after a week from work. It wasn’t easy for either one of us. When we weren’t at work, we were either parenting solo at home or at the hospital with Aaron. To say I was a little sleep-deprived and emotionally spent was an understatement.
Yet, going to work was healthy for me. It distracted me from my concerns for Aaron. I was capable of doing my job well for the most part. Many of my co-workers knew my situation and were empathetic and understanding. Coincidentally, I got a new manager a few weeks after Aaron’s accident. We had exchanged no more than a hello. She wasn’t aware of my son’s accident.
One afternoon, I was meeting with a room full of people, including my new manager. Someone was giving a presentation. It was a sunny afternoon, and someone turned the lights off to let everyone see the presentation better. Unfortunately, the time of day, the darkened room, and my sleep deprivation caused me to get a little drowsy. I was sitting near the screen in the front of the room, and my drowsiness was noticeable to others. My new manager was one of them.
A few days passed since that meeting. Another person in our department approached me. They mentioned that my new manager told them she was disappointed in my lack of enthusiasm and disinterest in work. They asked why she had this impression of me. She told them she had seen me nodding off in a critical meeting. Thankfully, my colleague told my new manager that her impressions of me were inaccurate. I was nodding off in the meeting because I was spending evenings at the hospital. My son was in a coma.
My new manager’s reaction wasn’t even remotely out of the ordinary. Have you ever worked with someone not pulling their weight on a project? Or have you seen a stranger behaving erratically in public? What was your first reaction? Often, we think badly of them. Ideally, we should look at them with empathy and kindness. We don’t know what personal battles that person is fighting. They could be experiencing something in their life that justifies their behavior.
Seeking to gain understanding before forming an opinion of someone is especially important when in a leadership position. It would have been kinder for my new manager to approach me first. She should have asked me how I was doing before formulating a negative view of me. I was fighting a difficult battle she knew nothing about at that moment. I needed her empathy and kindness instead of criticism.
Raising Healthy Minds 