Happy Holidays?

A Charlie Brown Christmas” is my favorite holiday movie, and the music of Vince Guaraldi plays a big role in why I love it. However, the holiday season isn’t always “fun for all.” For individuals and families affected by mental illness, this time of year can often bring more stress than joy. Anxiety stems from the uncertainty of how a mentally ill child or family member will react to the excitement and commotion. Additionally, the disruption of routines—a hallmark of the holidays—can become a trigger, leading to setbacks or a decline in mental health.

I can’t deny that while I’m a mainly optimistic and cup-half-full type of person, my anxiety level is slightly elevated.  Our son, Aaron, developed schizophrenia in 1999 when he was 15.  We have had several difficult holiday seasons over the past 22 years since Aaron became ill. 

Christmas 2002 was one of the tougher Christmases.  Every mother’s greatest Christmas joy is having all her children with her.  I don’t need or want any gifts really.  I just want to be surrounded by the people I love most, my husband and children.  That’s what made Christmas 2002 so hard.   Aaron was missing.

Between the ages of 18 and 21, Aaron spent a significant amount of time institutionalized at Winnebago Mental Health Institute in Wisconsin—a highly uncommon experience, made necessary because the psychiatrists at our local public mental health facility refused to treat him. Aaron is medication-resistant, which makes managing his schizophrenia particularly challenging. While many individuals with schizophrenia can lead relatively normal lives with the right combination of therapy and medication, Aaron continues to struggle despite being prescribed numerous treatments. He frequently experiences delusions and psychosis, requiring constant, one-on-one supervision to ensure his safety during challenging times. During these delusional episodes, Aaron is at risk of self-harm. Due to the severity of his condition, local psychiatrists opted to send him to Winnebago Mental Health Institute rather than manage his care themselves.

We believed Aaron’s mental health would improve if he spent more time with his family. Every Friday, we would drive an hour and a half to Winnebago to pick him up, and every Sunday, we would make the same trip to take him back. This routine depended on receiving clearance from the doctors and staff at Winnebago, who would deny a home pass if Aaron was having a difficult week. On December 23, 2002, when we called to arrange Aaron’s pick-up for Christmas Eve, we were told he wouldn’t be leaving the hospital as planned. His behavior had been too erratic, and the doctor didn’t feel comfortable approving a pass. Privately, I wept, but in front of our daughters, I stayed composed—I didn’t want to bring anything but joy to their Christmas.

My husband, Mark, and I couldn’t bear the thought of Aaron, just 18 years old, spending Christmas alone at Winnebago.  It made our hearts ache with sadness.  To ease our grief, we decided to make the three-hour round trip drive to Winnebago on Christmas Eve to wish him a Merry Christmas in person.  We assured our daughters that we would be back in time to get them to church for the Christmas Eve program.

As we drove, I prayed for God to give me the strength to remain cheerful for Aaron and to focus on His love, revealed through the gift of His Son, Jesus. My prayers were answered. I spent a couple of hours with Aaron, reading him the Christmas story he had so often recited as a child during Christmas Eve services at church. That time with Aaron eased my aching heart just enough to allow me to be fully present for our daughters that evening and on Christmas Day.

The mental health decline Aaron experiences during the holiday season is not uncommon.  Several years ago, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) conducted a survey where 64% of people with mental illness reported the holidays made their conditions worse.  Having this insight in advance of the holidays and knowing the symptoms to watch for can help mitigate the difficulties a mental health decline can create.   I concur completely with one of the respondents to the NAMI survey.  They advise keeping expectations low and letting your family know in advance of your limits.

I don’t yet know exactly how Christmas 2022 will unfold, but over the years, we’ve learned a lot about how to help Aaron maintain his mental stability. I’m hopeful that by minimizing disruptions to his routine, he—and by extension, the rest of the family—will experience a happier Christmas. That is the gift I wish for more than anything else.

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